Your relationship is based on superficial love
* You’re not perfect for each other.“ This is a perfectly acceptable thing to blame a break up on because it’s probably true. I generally say “As far as we know, we only live one time. And because of that, it would be stupid for either of us to settle for anything less than perfect. We know we’re not perfect for each other, but I think you’re phenomenal and the man who is perfect for you is a very lucky guy.” This is a conversation you want to have before you’re even considering breaking up with her, because seeding this idea early on in a relationship will make it easier to end the relationship later if something goes wrong. *
When you are at the coffee with a girl, let’s say the second day after a party, as soon as you see her, hug her and give her a kiss on the mouth. You need to set the frame. You are not here for a platonic relationship.
When you call a girl, be really nonchalant and relax, speak slowly like you are slightly high, don’t speak fast like you are embarrassed, or in a hurry. It is good to call when you are somewhere in company, or when you are going home, so you are not in your head. A mass text message is not a bad idea either. Make it easy: “A good day, I have no special plans, let’s have a beer together.”
Your relationship is based on superficial love if it is missing an emotional connection and isn’t polyamorous. Your job is to explain this to her in a way that she can easily understand. No, that does not mean creating a PowerPoint presentation about the consummate love triangle – whatever you say and do cannot feel impersonal and cold. Instead, let her know that the emotional attachment that you both need in an ideal relationship isn’t there, and won’t ever be there, because neither of you are willing to create it. Just be honest with her.
Next, make sure that you have something quiet to do post-break up, preferably with a friend. After a break up, you’re going to experience an intense series of emotions. In the beginning you’ll feel free and relieved that everything is over with, but after a while you’ll starting feeling alone and scared. Because a part of you had an emotional association with the woman and she’s now gone, your feelings will vacillate between jumping up high and sinking down low. Many of your feelings are anchored to her, so when you start feeling excited, your excitement will trigger a memory of her and you will become sad again. As new experiences come along, your anchors will reset and your emotions will even out.
